Three days. Twelve Episodes. One Meltdown.

If you think about it… that’s pretty good.  I mean, what actress worth her salt doesn’t have at least one diva moment during a season-long run of filming.  Mine just happened to come at the very end of a tightly compressed three-day. twelve episode filming session.

Almost made it to the end.

But not quite.

Okay, I’m exaggerating.  I didn’t really have a “meltdown,” per se.  But I did have to take a moment (or three!) to compose myself.   Seems one word kept tripping me up.

“Ne’er-do-wells.”

There’s a famous scene from The Simpsons where Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque actor Rainier Wolfcastle is having trouble saying his character’s catch phrase.

Director:  Up and atom!

Wolfcastle:  Up and at them!

Director:  Up and atom!

Wolfcastle: Up and at them!

Director: Up and ATOM!

Wolfcastle:  Up and AT THEM!

Director:  (sighs)  Better.

There was a little Rainier Wolfcastle in me by the end of day three.

Me:  …Good for nothing ne’er-DO-wells.

Director: Ne’er-do-wells.

Me:  Ne’er-do-WELLS

Director:  Ne’er-do-wells.

Me:  Ne’er-DO-WELLS.

Director:  (shrugs)  Let’s just change that to “lazy weasels,” shall we?

Okay, that last part didn’t happen, but I did become frustrated at my inability capture the proper pronunciation on a word that, if I’m being perfectly honest, I was not familiar with.   As it turns out I’ve been working with ne’er-do-wells my entire life, I just didn’t know that’s what they were called!

So I vented.   I vented hard!

Years from now, they’ll tell stories bout props being thrown, cameras being knocked over and bones being broken.  Those will all be slight exaggerations.   Really, all it was was a stern march to my dressing room, a quick look at the script and a few minutes to regain my composure.  Somewhat embarrassed but no worse for wear, I returned to the set.

And would you believe… I NAILED IT IN ONE TAKE!

Director:  Cut!  Beautiful.   Let’s do it again.

Me:  What was wrong with that one?!?

Director:  Nothing, Ms. Gautier.  Never mind.  Moving on!  Next scene!

Those good for nothing ne’er-do-wells never knew what hit ’em.